This week marks one year since my mom passed away.
It has been one of the toughest years of my life, but also one of the most eye-opening. I’ve learned things about grief, about myself, and about the way love continues even after loss.
I am sharing a few reflections in case they help you or someone you love who is walking through grief right now.
1. Everyone grieves differently (and there is no wrong way).
This was the first thing I heard and read regarding grief. At the time, it didn’t make much sense. Once I started to get to the other side, I understood what this meant.
I’ve learned grief shows up in waves, sometimes quiet, sometimes overwhelming. My way of grieving doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s, and neither does yours. If you’ve lost someone, your experience will be uniquely yours, and that’s okay.
2. Learning to experience life without my mom.
The hardest change has been going from hearing her voice and hugging her to now only having pictures, voicemails, and memories. I think about her every single day. Remembering the good times, what it felt like to kiss her on the cheek or hold her close, is both painful and comforting because even though she’s not here in person, she’s still with me.
3. Letting go of guilt.
Guilt was the heaviest part. “Did I do enough?”, “Did I make the right choices?”, “What if I did x y z differently?”.
What I’ve learned is that those questions come from love.
But staying stuck in them is no way to live life. I’m learning to shift from guilt and wondering ‘what if’ to gratitude for the love we shared and the lessons she gave me.
These lessons didn’t come all at once. They came slowly, with time and reflection.
One year later, I’m still learning, remembering, and moving forward.
~ Ricardo